my little crew

Today I had the cutest little crew of photography assistants ever
seen. Anywhere.

This week a happy package arrived in the mail, the contents of which,
for only $30, have made studio lighting possible for me. Huge.
Revolutionary. Magical.

And of course, I needed to test out my new gear. Reuben, Anna, Laura,
and Levi were all willing helpers. Reuben actually did an outrageously
good job keeping Levi still and smiling for me. His methods were very
loud! But effective. ;)

Just when I had given up on this little guy getting any six month
pictures too. :D

Favorite kid quotes for today:

Anna, quite randomly, while waiting for the popcorn to pop:
"Mama, my whole life is changed. I did not have a whiney day. I just
had a happy day. And it was a good change!"

(Little bit of back story. Last night when I hugged her good night, I
asked her if she'd had a good day. She was crying, exhausted and
grumpy, and wailed "Nooo! I had a whiney day!" I told her I was so
sorry to hear that, and maybe should would have a better day tomorrow.
Guess I was right. ;)

and Reuben, while watching a children's show that introduced the
concept of an engineer, turns to me and with great excietment says:
"Engineers - just come up with stuff to SAVE THE WORLD!!"

spring at last

I'm not one for New Year's resolutions per say, but I like to set
goals or at least pick a Bible verse to focus on each year. This year
my personal and family goals all seem to have a common theme.
Regaining physical health (Jeremy's knee, pregnancy and chest pain
recovery for me). Recovering financial health. Striving for emotional
and spiritual health.

And as the year has progressed God has honored those goals by putting
lessons in my path. First he let me really blow it, when I tried to
help someone by sticking my nose in their life and trying to fix a few
things for them and, well...that didn't work out at all like I had
intended.

Then I was blessed with several instances where somebody tried to
stick their nose in my life and "encourage" me to fix it so they would
be more comfortable and happy. That was eye opening as well.

Then there have been a couple books recommend by dear old girl
friends, now mothers themselves in states far away from me. The first
was "One Thousand Gifts" by Anne Voskomp. In summary, I'd say it's
about the vital importance of thankfulness in our relationship with
God. Life changing.

Now I'm also plowing through "Loving Our Kids On Purpose" by Danny
Silk. In summary, I'd say this one is about the importance of teaching
our kids to make good choices, in contrast to the traditional
parenting model of focusing on obedience.

All these things + some are mixing together in my soul, day by day,
moment by moment. There's a sense of awakening in my heart and mind,
so much like the bulbs blooming all around us in the glorious New
England Spring. My spiritual journey has been tumultuous for...well,
probably the last decade or so. I love feeling the beauty of Spring
permeating my heart finally.

Of all these lessons I'm learning, the parenting applications are the
most fascinating to me. Just today I saw Laura playing in Reuben's
tackle box out on the porch. Not cool.

So, I called Reuben over, and with the same courtesy I would express
speaking to an adult, I explained to him I'd seen Laura playing in his
tackle box just now, and she could really get hurt by those hooks.
"That's a pretty big problem, huh? So what are you going to do about
it?"

Reuben listened carefully, then thought for a brief moment and
brightly replied, "I should put my tackle box away in the garage!"

"That's a great idea!"

And off he went, appearing quite pleased with his little genius self.

I could have simply told him to put his tackle box away, and insisted
he obey. I could have also explained briefly why his tackle box left
out on the deck was dangerous for his sisters, so he could understand
the full scope of the situation and modify his actions in the future.
He's a good kid, and cares for his sisters very much, and 9 times out
of 10 he would have obeyed without complaint.

But as it was, I gave him the opportunity to learn responsibility. To
think through the situation and figure out what *he* needed to do
about *his* problem. It was a very small practice scenario preparing
him for life in this scary grown up world he'll one day have to
navigate. A world where you can't just obey authority, he will have to
take responsibility, make good choices, deal with consequences, etc.

Subtle, yet significant difference. And one I doubt I would have
figured out on my own, at least not before reaching Grandma status
that is.

The hinge pin of all these lessons seems to come down to learning self
control. Me learning it. Me controlling me. Me not trying to control
others. But instead giving others, even and especially my children,
the freedom to control themselves. The freedom to make mistakes. The
freedom to do things I don't like, and to live through the
consequences of their own dumb choices. (Some of which turn out to not
actually be dumb. Weird.)

Really, if I spend 90% (or more) of my energy focusing on *my* right
choices, right attitudes, right responses, right words, right motives,
etc., most of the rest of parenting (and every other relationship
besides) will fall in line all by itself.

And while I'm here....

Business is going well for Jeremy. Work is coming in, and some of it
is actually turning a descent profit! Woo-hoo! And we're going about
changing our business name to Benchmark Painting - a bit easier to
figure out what we do just for the name, we figured.

Business has been going pretty well for me too actually. This year I
have finally branched out to photography customers beyond my immediate
social circle. Hooray! Praying this year my photography business will
actually make an appreciable difference in our annual income. Wouldn't
that be cool!?

The kids are doing great too. We're making good progress in both
school and life skills. Jeremy and I are looking forward to attending
our first home school convention in Massachusetts...sometime in the
near future, I forget exactly when. Levi currently has three teeth
trying to come through all at once. You know that's fun! Good thing
though, 'cause he's now sitting in his booster seat and eating real
food now.

There was a lot of words just now. They all seem coherant enough, and
yet they barely wisper all that God is to me right now, and all that
He is doing in me. So, "Thanks be to God for his unspeakable gifts."
(2 Cor 9:15) And enjoy the daffodil pictures! ;)

P.S. Reuben's role in the daffodil fun was explaining to us the parts
of the flower, showing us the pollen, and naming creatures that
pollenate flowers. Such a great kid. It's crazy how much he knows
about science for a kid who still can't count to 10... But he can
count to 5 now! We are making progress! :D

winter wonders

December 10th I think, I had my first ambulence ride to the ER after
what seemed for all the world to be a heart attack. Intense chest
pain, radiating into my neck and left arm, shortness of breath, nearly
fainted, whole body went mildly numb with a wave of burning (like I
was covered in icy hot) and then chills. After an EKG, CT scan,
echocardiogram, stress test, and even a nuclear stress test, we still
have no idea what the problem is.

For about a week I could barely get off the couch and remain deeply
indebted to my friends Tabitha and Krista for coming over and helping
until I was able to function again. Happily my symptoms have gotten
gradually better, the chest pain still comes and goes (though no more
"attacks"), and I still get short of breath easier than is normal, but
I can function fairly normally. Basically I just can't push too hard
or I have to deal with the pay back.

These four little guys keep me running full steam, so not being able
to opperate at full steam has meant that I've had to just let a lot of
things go. Mostly the house. It hasn't been completely clean since the
chest pains started. But then I wasn't on track to win any house
keeping awards to begin with. I've just had to focus on the *real*
priorities and be at peace with the rest of my life not being perfect.
Kinda reminicent of when I was pregnant with Levi... Whatever God
wants to teach us here, I sure hope we learn it soon!

We had a lovely Christmas. LOVE our new home! My parents, siblings,
and even my Maw Maw & Paw Paw Zeek were able to come up for about a
week right around New Years which was SOOOOO very wonderful. It was
*awesome* we had room for them to stay with us comfortably, and the
time visiting was priceless.

A few weeks into the new year, work completely dried up for Jeremy's
busines. It had been steadily growing the last half of 2011, and we
entered the year with high hopes and great expectations. Jeremy's been
doing a lot of research and planning regarding building his
*business*, beyond just being a good painter, how to make a *profit*
at painting. We were all gung ho to implement a lot of these plans and
ideas and then...everything just died.

It was a good 6 weeks of learning lessons in trust all over again. I'm
pleased to say we both *have* been learning, because this dry spell we
kept our cool and remained confident in God better than we *ever* have
before. And, as He always does, He carried us through and just worked
everything out. I am more grateful than ever to serve the God who
rains manna from heaven and brings forth rivers of water from a dry
rock!

The kids are just a joy. Simple joy. It is such an incredible
priviledge to be their parents. Laura turned 2 on January 23rd. Reuben
turned 5 February 25th. Laura's making good strides toward speaking
English (thank goodness!), and is always suprising me with the things
she knows (colors, shapes, animals, etc.). This past week she's
frequently been asking me to take her to the potty, which is pretty
cool since I haven't been activily trying to potty train her. Pretty
sure she just wants in on the M&M action that Anna's getting. ;) But
hey, I'll take it.

Levi can now roll over both ways, and this week he started "ooching".
Yea Levi!!! :D The kids and I have been giving him crawling lessons
since he was born, so it's about time! He cut two teeth right at four
months, and has been a cranky little grumpy pants ever since, but
fortunately for him he has the most charming smile ever. Jeremy and I
are still holding out hope that we're really gonna like him if he ever
manages to get happy again. ;)

Anna is pretty well potty trained, talking quite well, and just a few
paces behind her big brother in school. Her hair is so long and
gorgeous, and I guess she hears that a lot. The other day she told me
in her high pitched, little girl, carefully enunciated way of speaking
"My hair is sooo long and beutiful. And you can climb UP IT, just like
'aPUNzel! [pause] And maybe, Daddy can clim UP IT too!" And I tell you
want, this girl is gonna be worth her weight in gold when she gets
about 12 years old. She loves to help out and take care of others.

Did I mention Reuben is 5! Still kinda geeking out about that... He's
really getting to be more and more of a grown up kid all the time. I
love the "big kid" type conversations we have. We've been reading
"Good & Evil" (basically a comic book Bible) at rest time each day,
and it's truely awesome the questions he has about God, sin,
punishment, etc. Reuben's a little perfectionist, he's devesting to
see his sisters play with a toy "the wrong way", or be asked to do
something he doesn't think he's capable of. Fortunately for him, I was
the same way at his age...and maybe I haven't entirely grown out of it
yet. SO, it's been easier for me to know how to help him work through
his issues. Sortof. ;)

We've also started memorizing Psalm 23 in Sunday school, so I decided
to start practicing with them during the week. I'm amazed how quickly
and effortlessly they've been picking it up, just from repeating small
sections after me once or twice a day. Laura can't even speak clearly
yet, but she mumbles along through most of it with suprising accuracy.
Anna just randomly starts quoting throughout the day, with some
comical results. "...deliver us from the eagle, for we look at the
birds flying in the sky, and we are CUMforted!..."

Oh, and we got a dog. He's a 8-year-old Beagle mix we adopted from a
local pound. The pound named him Chucky and the name stuck. He's a
pretty good dog, Jeremy and the kids love him very much. If he didn't
shed or have accidents on my floor I'd like him very much too, but all
in all it's tough to complain about this old guy.

Well, that's enough for now. Enjoy the pictures, and we love you all very much!